October 9, 2012

After a bit of encouragement from a friend, I called the physical therapist's office today to see if I could get in any sooner.  And I can.  Tomorrow at 1:30pm.
Whoop!

I admitted to my brother today that I had been worried they wouldn't find anything wrong with my spine, and would want to look at my brain.  That this could be MS.  He said he understood why I'd be afraid of that.  Luckily, I've got those bulging discs instead.

Yesterday I taught on meds.
Today I taught on pain.

Meds are a better deal.  I'm nicer on meds than I am on pain.  Go figure.

I'm going to see if I can time them right tomorrow so that I can still drive to class and then to PT after.  (Not sure it's possible.)

I need to make a list of questions to ask.

1. How can I keep this from happening again?
2. When can I run again?
3. Can I walk in the mean time?
4. Yoga?  Can I do it? What poses, if any, should I avoid?
5.  If 2 and 3 are a no go, can I use the elliptical?  Swim?

I need some exercise in my life again.  Badly.

October 8, 2012

I can totally see how an MRI could freak someone out.  Especially someone with claustrophobia.

I was okay, though.  Doped up on enough pain killer and muscle relaxers that I just sorta zoned out and wanted to sleep.

I even went and taught class after.  Then home for a very long nap.  Got a call from my doctor's office about 2:30pm.  Didn't think I'd hear from them until late tomorrow at the soonest.

I have bulging discs in my lower spine.  Not slipped.  Not torn.  Not herniated.  Just bulging.  Fixable.  I start physical therapy in a week.

Greatly relieved.

But want to start exercising again NOW damnit.  I want to yoga.  I want to go for a jog.

But the diagnosis hasn't made the pain go away.  Hasn't made me able to lift the toes on my left foot.

And I'm afraid anything I might do other than a casual stroll might mess things up more.

Still.  Greatly relieved.

October 7, 2012

It hurts a lot more in the mornings.  Or after a nap.

It doesn't hurt at all when I sleep.

I'm trying not to be consumed by it.  By the pain, the unknown, the panic.

Most likely it's a disc that is unhappy.  Slipped or herniated.  It will take time to recover, but with meds, pt, and patience, it will.

But then there's the what ifs.
What if I inherited more from my parents than I wanted.

My mom had a lot of MRIs because of MS.
My dad had a lot of MRIs because of cancer.

I really just want a pissed off disc.

October 6, 2012

This is the day autumn arrived.  Cool.  Misty.  Nice.

Spent most of it inside.

Hurt like hell this morning.  Has eased up tonight.

MRI on Monday morning.  Did I already say that?

Bailey is telling me it's time for bed.

Goodnight.

October 3, 2012

I want to take a minute or two and force some gratitude upon myself.

My leg is hurting again, and my back, but then there is still all the numbness.  I'm bloated and hungry from the steroids.  I'm tired and loopy from the muscle relaxers.  I'm thirsty as hell.  And I can't think straight.

But.

I have a health insurance.  A roof over my head.  Some really beautiful, sweet roomies who like to love on me.  I have good friends who are willing to help me out.  I have colleagues that understand I'm not at my best this week.  I have students who are being so chill about my weirdness, and not giving me any extra trouble.

The rest of my body seems to be working just fine.

And...the piece de resistance?  I'm eating a big bowl of oatmeal with a huge dollop of dark chocolate peanut butter.  It's like a cookie in mush form.

It's going to be okay.

(And it will be even better when I can go to yoga and run again.)

October 2, 2012

Somehow I managed to get exactly the right amount of sleep, food, medicine, talking, sugar, coffee, animal love, brother talk, and sunshine.  I'm in a good mood for the first time in what feels like a long time.

I'm not sure how long it will last, so I am documenting it.

And I can jog around my house.
On Friday I couldn't take one step up with my left foot.
I'm not better yet, but I'm getting that way.

Holy hell getting old is hard.

October 1, 2012

I have got to find a way to seek some solace in all this.  And wow that sounded more dramatic than I meant for it to.

I think I have more feeling in my leg/foot today.  I think.  Can't tell for certain, so if there is improvement it's minimal.  Also noticing a slight pain in my lower back on the left side...sore muscle feeling.  I think.

Fell in the hallway after class today.  Rug burn was all the damage done, thankfully.  And then there was my pride.  And I think I said "shit" really loud.

I'm settling in for the night with a cup of decaf coffee.  Hazelnut.    Trying to stay up until 9:30pm, but we'll see what happens.